In my last post, I shared how not understanding my own power led me to submit to someone who didn’t deserve it. I wanted to submit to someone so badly, I didn’t take into account what I was giving away. He took advantage of my kindness, my empathy, and my willingness to serve—because I didn’t yet know those were strengths, not weaknesses.
I didn’t know I was handing over something sacred.
And the part that really stings? He did know. He saw the value in what I was offering and used it to meet his own needs, not to build something mutual or meaningful. My submission became a tool for control, rather than an act of connection. My giving heart became a weakness to exploit instead of a strength to honor.
But I see it clearly now—what I gave him wasn’t just attention, or care, or service.
I gave him my power.
So what is that power?
Let’s stop calling it abstract and start naming it.
Because this power isn’t some mystical force you either have or don’t. It’s made up of real parts of you—parts that are often overlooked, minimized, or misunderstood, especially by those who are too self-centered to recognize the weight of what you offer.
Your power is:
- Self-worth: Knowing you are enough, without needing to earn love or approval.
- Boundaries: Being able to say “no,” “not like that,” or “I need something different”—and meaning it.
- Autonomy: The freedom to make your own choices about your body, your energy, your relationships, and your submission. It is your right to choose—not just who you give to, but whether you give at all.
- Emotional intelligence: The ability to feel deeply and think clearly.
- Discernment: Choosing who gets access to your softness, your service, your submission.
- Empathy: Loving without losing yourself.
- Kindness: Offering compassion not because you’re weak, but because you’re strong enough to stay open in a harsh world.
- Desire to serve: The willingness to submit—not out of lack, but out of purpose.
These things don’t sound like power in the traditional sense, do they?
That’s because we’ve been taught to associate power with dominance, control, assertiveness—and yes, those can be forms of power too. But relational power—especially in submission—is something else entirely.
It’s quieter.
But no less potent.
This kind of power says:
I know who I am. I know what I bring. And I get to choose who receives it.
When you don’t know your own power, it’s easy to hand it over without realizing it. To mistake over-giving for devotion. To confuse someone else’s demands with your own desires.
But when you do know your power? You don’t give it away cheaply.
You offer it deliberately, with full awareness of its worth.
And you stop confusing someone’s wanting you with them actually being worthy of you.
