You have a kick ass scene in mind. You know who you want to play with. You and them discuss the idea, negotiate terms, and plan it out. You both know, more or less, what to expect, and you’re excited to get it started.
But did you cover all of the bases?
We know about SSC. Or RACK. Or PRICK. I was recently made aware of FRIES (for a detailed description regarding this, go to the Planned Parenthood website). All of there emphasize consent, as they should. In all of them, spoken directly or not, information is fundamental; you can’t consent to what you don’t know. Self knowledge, situational awareness knowledge, knowledge of the person you will be playing with, an idea of how things might feel, if you don’t already know….gathering information from all of these sources help to ensure that the scene doesn’t go sideways. There is another source of knowledge that might not be readily apparent, though, and that is regarding health. How do I feel? What can my body do? What can’t it do? What about my mental health? How does my emotional state fit in?
And what about my play partner?
I have a couple of chronic health issues. One of them has the potential of cognitive impairment, passing out, and seizures. These can present with little to no warning. The other involves mental and emotional trauma. This one is not so invasive, but it’s still in there. If my potential play partner doesn’t know me as well as my primary partner, or close friends, they will likely be unaware of these. It is up to me to include this in negotiating a scene.
Is this really so important? After all, it’s pretty personal stuff. HIPPA exists for a reason. Maybe I’m not sure I want my health issues to be known far and wide.
I believe that this information is absolutely important, and not just for your own safety. Your play partner’s safety is equally as important.
Let’s say that, as a bottom (I am one, 99 % of the time), I want to do a scene involving bondage. What happens if I pass out, start to seize? What happens if I feel trapped, such that fight or flight (or freeze) kicks in? What do I expect my play partner to do? What is the risk if I don’t share this imformation?
My partner might panic; lack of information can cause that. My partner might inadvertently cause me more damage if they don’t act, or do the incorrect thing in an effort to help me. My partner might be absolutely devastated, because they value being a safe and responsible player, and failed. My partner might lose confidence in their abilities.
My partner’s reputation might be damaged because they’re now seen as an unsafe player, when they’ve done nothing to warrant that.
What if my play partner (in this case, the Top) has health issues that I am not aware of?
I might be startled out of my headspace if my partner suddenly stops, or safe words out. I might be disappointed, or upset, because I didn’t know that there was a possibility that they might need to stop, or deal with an issue. I might have unrealistic expectations of my partner that can’t be met. I might think that they’re flakey at best, neglectful or unsafe at worst.
I might not want to play again, for a time…or ever….because maybe it’s my fault for not sensing that there was a problem, such that I lose confidence in my ability to make appropriate choices.
All of this is avoidable.
If the Top has all of the information, they may decide against doing the scene because they feel that the risk is greater than their confidence to safely navigate the situation. If the bottom has all of the imformation, they decide against doing the scene because they feel that it would ultimately lead to a less than positive experience, and it’s probably better to not risk it.
Or, they could decide, together, to modify the scene to accommodate the risks.
Let’s be real for a moment. Some of the shit we do is inherantly dangerous, and a scene might go sideways through no fault of the players involved. However, we, hopefully, do out best to mitigate the greater risks, and we can’t adequetly do that without all of the information, and this includes health information.
Have fun and play safe, you kinky freaks!!! <3
Written By:
Lohshi
