If you don’t understand your own power, how can you submit it to someone else?
This is a question I wish I had asked myself a long time ago. Because I’ve learned—through painful experience—that when you don’t truly know your own power, someone else can recognize it before you do… and use it against you. Especially someone who claims the title of Dominant.
That’s exactly what happened to me.
I gave my submission to someone who didn’t deserve it. Who didn’t honor it. Who saw the value in me—but only as something to control, not cherish. He took advantage of the fact that I didn’t yet understand what I was offering. He twisted my kindness into obligation. He used my empathy to manipulate. And he allowed me to believe that if I just tried a little harder, served a little better, gave a little more… then I’d be enough.
But the truth is, it was never me.
It was him.
He took advantage of the fact that I hadn’t yet learned what my submission was rooted in—power, not passivity. I didn’t realize that my willingness to serve came from deep wells of strength, self-awareness, care, and resilience. That my submission was something sacred, not something to be earned through struggle.
So let’s talk about that power for a minute.
Yes, it’s abstract. You can’t hold it in your hands or weigh it on a scale. But that doesn’t make it any less real. It shows up in ways you can feel—and others can see:
- The quiet courage of saying no.
- The grace of walking away from a dynamic that doesn’t serve you.
- The clarity in knowing your needs—and communicating them
- The strength behind healthy boundaries.
- The choice to submit from fullness, not from fear.
That’s the kind of power I didn’t know I had. And because I didn’t know it, I didn’t protect it.
Understanding your own power is how you keep people from weaponizing it. It’s how you stop attracting takers and start recognizing those who are truly capable of holding what you offer with care.
In future posts, I’ll be diving deeper into this power—because I don’t believe in leaving it abstract. I want to help make it tangible, livable, yours. Whether it’s your self-worth, your emotional intelligence, your servitude, or your boundaries—these are the elements of your power. And you deserve to know them, own them, and stand in them before handing them to anyone else.
Because when you know your power, you stop giving it to people who only want to take it.
